I’m not even sure what to call this post. I just feel like I would like to give real updates about where I’m at and where my head is at. I think Instagram only gives you part of the story. I started really posting a lot to Instagram when I moved here. I was so obsessed with the city and in love with everything it had to offer. I wanted to share my experiences in NYC. But, I feel like it’s not real unless you show all sides of the story.
Yes, I have a lot of fun here and I get to do a lot of cool stuff because the city offers a lot. But, I recently have kind of fallen out of love with New York City. I became very unhappy with the way my career was going, I didn’t like my apartment, I hate the subway. I was all around frustrated with life here. A hipster on the Subway said it best, “New York City extends your youth because everything is so expensive.”
It was such a succinct way of describing the frustration I am having with the city. When I pictured my life in the city almost 4 years in, I didn’t picture still living in my first apartment with two other roommates. I didn’t picture still living paycheck to paycheck. I didn’t picture still living the same way I was when I graduated college 4 years ago. That feeling like you want to grow up, but you can’t afford it, is frustrating.
When I got the box of my stuff from my desk at my last job, there was a board I had on my desk with a Ron Swanson quote on it. As I was looking for a new quote for it on Pinterest, I saw a board that said, “Remember when you wanted what you currently have?”
Even though I’d seen that quote before, this time I actually took a second and found it kind of funny. I do remember arguing with my parents endlessly that I wouldn’t look at jobs in Atlanta because I wanted to be here. I remember working so hard to make sure I found a permanent job here so I wouldn’t have to move home after my internship ended. I remember wanting to live in the East Village and searching for months for an apartment I could afford. I remember always saying I wanted one cat and one dog and the plan I had to get the cat first and then the dog later (of course the original plan was for both of them to be old and lazy…).
Everything that I currently have I worked so hard to get because at one point they were everything I wanted. I live in a really cool neighborhood, in a pretty big room, with my sister and my friend, and my dog and my cat. If younger me could see me now, she’d think this was a dream. I mean some things I’m still working on, but “In New York, they say, you’re always looking for a job, a boyfriend, or an apartment.”
Even though I feel like my time in New York isn’t forever, I want to take the time and enjoy where I’m at right now. I have spent so much time working for the next goal I’ve set for myself, I haven’t even enjoyed all of the other things I’ve done along the way.
2018 was literally the worst and the first mercury retrograde of 2019 threw me through a loop, but in 2019 I am determined to enjoy everything I have worked so hard for: this city, my apartment, my kids (animal kids). I know what I want next. I know what my next goal is, but I’m not going to worry about it just yet. I am going to enjoy where I am at right now, and figure out what’s next when I feel like I’ve gotten everything I can out of what I have now.